Friday, July 31, 2009

If this is it..

So... the economy caught up with my little neck of the woods, and on July 24th, I walked out the door of Planning & Development without my key.

The layoff was hard. I didn't want to go. I knew for about 2 months that I would not have a job, but I didn't realize I'd stay until the end of July. I am grateful for that little bit of time. My job wasn't just a means to support my large family to me - it was an achievement. After being a stay at home mother for 11 1/2 years, then a sandwich slinger at the Vons Deli, I was an Administrative Office Professional II. I made $18 an hour and life was very comfortable and I was proud of myself. After thinking I was worthless and couldn't achieve anything, I proved to myself and anyone with doubts that I was good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people liked me. For me, that job was a shiny badge of progress and achievement.

I trained my replacements, but with not NEARLY enough time. My heart broke all over the place as I was trying to explain the difference between our office and theirs.. and looking at the terror in their eyes. I knew my job, I was good at it, and I had to train the people would be TAKING my job, with NOT ENOUGH TIME to do it adequately. I hated leaving them with leftover work, half finished projects and not enough information.

The staff was very supportive, letting me know they didn't want to see me go, and showing me appreciation. It's hard to leave an environment where you feel you can thrive. Today marks the first week of being unemployed, and the financial pinch reared its ugly head and made me want to curl up into a tiny ball and weep. I KNOW I will make it, but man, it's scary not knowing HOW.

To top that all off, Scott's been going through his own challenges in life. He's had to find a new place to live in a very short time. He hates his job, and was silly and took on a major musical which opens in 2 weeks. We routinely talk, but I can't help feeling like I miss him more and more every day. The good side of that is, I don't feel like he and I are straining apart for these changes. I think we're getting closer together because of everything in life that is changing and falling apart, he and I are the constant, the solace.

I have a job interview with another agency for Santa Barbara County. I'm excited and nervous - I really need the job, and welcome the challenge. If you have some to spare, I welcome all mojo and positive thoughts. If you need any back, I have TONS to spare.