Ode to Joy

I love Beethoven's 9th. I also love the process of accepting joy, choosing joy. It's not always as easy as it seems, as it requires breaking some thinking processes I have gotten stuck into.. focusing on the negatives, looking at what I can't do, what can't be done, rather than what has been done, what CAN be done. I vacuumed my living areas today. To the average person, that garners a big "So what?" but for me, I dance and sing and celebrate that I don't have to look at ground up bits of popcorn in my carpet, that the floor is clear of clutter and glows with light. That's a good thing. :D

I also have most of the laundry done, which, again, accomplishment. How did I manage to kick so much booty? I'll tell you. I have a sick little boy. :( He's been cleared from school until Thursday, which means I stay home with him... The ironic thing? Friday is my last day at work, and I find myself looking at a 2 day workweek. While I should rejoice in the time off before I start my shiny new job, I am looking at a loss in pay... pay I needed since I will not be getting a paycheck until mid December. Will I keep afloat? Probably, but it adds stress. My welfare will be cut, and I'm getting less pay until I start getting paid for my new job, and December's bills will still be here waiting for me, impatiently. And Christmas looms.

What I need to do is accept that Christmas will be focusing on feelings, atmosphere and tradition. Not physical gain. It's a pretty idea, but its hard to just buy into.. I love presents, I love giving them AND getting them. I also have 5 children who are less sold on the idea of "we're getting less this year" than *I* am. But for them to buy it, I need to also buy it... hence the struggle.

So.. back to choosing joy. (If you wanted a cohesive blog, I will point you to Magazine Man's blog, or, perhaps even Wil Wheaton's or even my good friend Krista's. This is the dumping ground for things in my head, and while I wish I could have a great streamlined writing style, this is pretty much how my thoughts tumble about in my head, so I feel it's a more accurate representation of who I am, how I think, what I feel. Most of the time, I make sense, other times, not so much. It's a blog, not an essay.) Back to Joy.

:D I have great friends, and family by choice.. They take care of me like no one ever has, they protect me, support me, encourage me, and ultimately, spoil the crap out of me. Liz's dad George showed up today with Starbucks and a Jack Ball for my van. Oh... I am SO loved. :D

Someday, when the safe filled with money falls from the sky at my feet, I will repay them, but until that happens, I laud them, love them, and try and think of ways I can give back to the people who have given me more than most people get in their lifetime. It builds on the joy I am learning to choose over pain and suffering.


:D I love my people who come by, dropping happiness on my doorstep and recharging me. I think they know how much I need it, but I hope they know how much I appreciate it. :D


Shiny factor 8 today!