We are the queer!

Anyone who dismisses punk out of hand as not 'worthwhile' musically has never heard The Decline by NOFX.

Remebrance

Sometimes we forget who we are. People change, it's true, but some things stay the same - you like rainbows, ice cream, music, spirituality, whatever it is, you become defined by it. Sometimes those things take a back seat to something else in your life, but never really go away, you just need a reminder of that part of who you are, like a body part. :)

I love Phantom of the Opera, most specifically Michal Crawford's Phantom. I had forgotten just how amazing his performance of Phantom was. I had also forgotten about music, the call it has on me. I can hear music in my head anytime, anywhere, with full orchestral backing if it calls for it. Through time, the quality of the music will fade on me, and if I refresh it, it gets strong again. :)

I have kids, kids who don't have much of a musical education. Once upon a time ago, I used to sing, and I was fairly good; the choir kid, went to California All State Honor Choir in 1992 and 1993. I had a few solos. If I had been in a big city with more people, I would probably have been ignored, but I didn't grow up there, I grew up here, and I was pretty damn okay! I had wanted to major in music as nothing else in my life had ever been so strongly ME. Susanne can Sing. it's a fact. Now, I'm not radio quality, and I'm certainly not Sara Brightman good, and I never was, but I can sing better than the average person, and the fact that no one has had bleeding ear drums just cements that for me ;)

My range has diminished through age and disuse. It's sad, and it hurts that I know I used to have wider range than I have now, but I can still sing strongly and steadily, and I don't' make people's ears bleed (always a plus) I had wanted to use my skill and become a music educator. Why? Because what else do you do with a degree in music? :)

I've tried to instill music in my children, but my reverence for it probably keeps me being a stingy ass with it. :(

Listening to Mr. Crawford as Phantom tonight just reminded me "oh, hey, I have a hand here!" Pretty important piece of myself to leave off. :)

And for tonight, I find myself being nostalgic, missing HIM. Not the HIM that I left, but the HIM who stopped music entirely. I always hear songs. And for him, they stopped cold. I thought it was because he focused me, he "completed me" (gag) maybe it was a warning I should have heard way back then.

I have no illusions that I "would have been" anything, but I get nostalgic for the girl I was when I met him in 1992 (pre-crash, thank you) and it makes my heart ache. its an immeasurable loss. :(