Neurotically yours,

Some days, I feel like I'm more on top of the heap of crap that has built up and become my life. Other days, I am painfully aware I am standing on a slick piece of cardboard and about to hurtle headfirst into a particularly fetid pile of it. How's THAT for an opener? Sometimes I find my foot in my mouth, or perhaps my head up other interesting and dark orifices.

Last night, I was bratty. Hopefully, I managed to contain it to a minimally noticeable whine, but I definitely felt self centered and childish. I wanted attention, reassurance that all the monsters standing with numbers outside my door really had the wrong house, and weren't waiting for their turn to come up. :( I went to bed with minimal fuss, but damned if I don't' feel guilty for not being a better friend last night.

I love my people very much, and I have been adding to the list of "my people." This should mean that I am more protective of my people, more loving, more understanding, supportive. In most times, I really am. But I have moments I am not very proud of where I just don't do it. I just don't' do what I expect of myself. I'm probably harder on myself about it than most people would be, but dammit, I'm me. :)


One of my friends is going through a very very crappy point in her life, and I can't do anything to help. How crappy is that? and... a taste of what my friends have been enduring for years with me and my former marriage. Only, she can't leave the person giving her shit, as it's a child.

blaaaargh. How crappy, huh? These people who have stood by me and kicked ass for me, and ON me.. I can't help them. How shitty.

I do love my friends. If any of them have found their way here, I hope they know I mean it. I really, really do. And one of you, I love as more than just friends. :)

I'll chalk it up to a learning experience and try and move on from here. Hopefully I DO learn.