Monday, January 28, 2008

Not the Destination, but the Journey

:) I love my friends and family. They are truly, TRULY good to me, and if it weren't for them, I wouldn't know what I had to look forward to in life. :) I often forget that this isn't a race to the finish, but a long, meandering path that will take me in directions that I don't even know exist yet. Lots of stops along the way, some derailments, but lots of forward momentum, because I have nowhere to go but forward. I often find myself wishing that something would pass, that I could skip to the end result, the outcomes of events, actions, ideas... but that's not how it works.

Recently, I had a conversation with my eldest daughter about fairy tales. She was saying they were all lies, but I corrected her. They are not lies, but instead ieas, and ideals. They are what we long for in life, as unrealistic as it often is. They should not be measure of success in life, or something to hold your life against, but they embody ideals. You meet someone who brings you happiness, and who, in turn, you make happy. That's not unrealistic, but thinking that because you met that person your life will then become perfect IS unrealistic, and ultimately self-defeating. Think of all the people turned aside, because they didn't fit Prince Charming's character description. What if he had a beer gut, would he be any less charming? What if he had bad acne, would he be less empathetic or a lousy partner? What if he wasn't rich? Would that make him less desireable? Does he need to be successful for him to ring your bell? They may all sound like cosmetic things, but maybe that's the point. The heart is something trancendental and pure, regardless of packaging, and lets not get started on the size of the Fair Princess' thighs. IS she any less a princess for being a size 14?

Happiness comes when you stop trying to force the issue. You accept the joy you are given. You eschew the crap for what it is... crap. WE ALL have crap in our lives.. be it a speeding ticket, late payments on your credit card, bad relationship history, STDs, crummy job. Most of these can be dealt with, worked around, coped with. What are you willing to do to be happy? Anything it takes? That's a tall order, and often open ended.

I'm learning to enjoy the ride. I often forget that it takes time to get to the destination, because I get caught up in everything it's taking to get there. And if I don't get it right today, I still have tomorrow... and the day after, and the day after that.. :)

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I must... I MUST!

Okay, that last one was heavy and stuff. This one is fun, and silly!!!!

And, as before, ganked from Krista!! :D LOVE YOU!


Leave your name in my blog comments.
Once you do that, this is what I'll do for you...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
(if possible. if not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me.)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. If you play, you MUST post this on yours. You MUST. **


I must, I must, I must increase my bust!... no, wait... but I DID post this. :D

On accepting the unchangeable

Dear Bloggy,

It's been a while since I've updated you. I'm sorry. Life has a way of grabbing me by the ears, screaming in my face, then slapping me on the ass and sending me back on my way in bewilderment. Cheeky monkey. There are times I become painfully aware that things are very much not how I wish them to be. I try not to shout about it too loudy, because it seems ungracious that with all the fortune, care and grace my people have given me, that I still find fault in my life and despair over it. I try and keep those moments short and fleeting. I really DO have much to be thankful AND grateful of.

Being a Gen X-er, I excell at bitching and whining. It's what we do. :) A couple things just bugged me today. One being the size of my body. I don't expect to be thin, or "average" but god damn, can I just stop packing it on? I know that weight gain goes hand in hand with stress, and let's face it, the only way I will ever NOT have stress in my life is to be dead. Still, I have beautiful clothes that I need to fit into, and I can't comfortably do that at this moment in time. I realize I need to watch my intake, and star exercising, and the rest will take care of itself, but I tend to be a selfish whore with my 'alone time' and I'd rather stare blankly at my computer than torture my out of shape body for 45 minutes, even every other day. Do I feel better when I do it? Um, YEAH. But do I like the thought thatI have that obligation? Fuck no.

The other one is being poor. I am so fucking tired of being poor. I grew up poor, I have lived poor as an adult and a parent. And when my children go to their friend's homes, and I see how beautiful their homes are, I get sad and jealous inside. It happens. We who have not tend to envy those who have. I live in an old house with crappy carpeting, crappy windows and... well, as much as it's home, my house is a piece of crap, and it doesn't even BELONG to me. AS I just said though, it IS home, crappiness and all. And realistically, my children would just TRASH that beautiful home, and then I would have to kill them, because that house would be fucking expensive, and while I love my demon-spawn, I do NOT like having to clean up messes, and I HATE having to repair shit they broke.

What I long for is an acceptance. Some things I will never change... being poor, my total physique (don't give me bullshit about how I can exercise, cut my intake, and work my fucking ass off to lose weight to be "hot" I'm fucking hot right now, I just want to be less pudgy. That's not much to ask.. I'm talking about being short and stocky naturally. I will never be tall and statuesque. Dammit.) The fact that I have a stupid Ex who would love nothing more than to see my mutilated corpse on the side of the road. (I do not share that sentiment, even though he's an ass) I just want to accept the things I can't change, the strength to change the things I can. And I want to know the difference between the two (Hey! I just want the AA prayer, and I didn't even have to become a lush to want it!)

Okay. Now, in light of this heavy post, I will say that I am genuinely grateful for the path I am on, and that some of the bigger rocks and pits have been removed, or a workaround has been put into effect for them. :) HUGS! We'll get through this... after all, nothing has managed to break us yet, why should this?

:D!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Meme a me!

Please share your best birthday memory.
Now, please share your worst birthday memory.

I probably didn't cut and paste it to it's graphical goodness, but I'll take a whack at it. :D

My best birthday memory is easy. Last year, August 25th, the year I became a Virgo. Joe, Cathy, Liz and her dad, George, all threw me a surprise party on Aug 25th. I was lured into the trap by George saying "Liz's birthday is the 27th, Cathy's is the 26th, lets celebrate them on the 25th as a big party. It's the only day they can all get off." So, of course, I made arrangements to be there, washed dishes, cleaned up the house in prep of the celebration. They had planned on throwing me a surprise party, and a surprise it WAS, since my birthday is Christmas Eve! Ah, the love.

The worst birthday? It could be my 30th, where nothing special happened, at all. The Ex took the day off work, sure, but we watched TV and had pizza for dinner. That was it for the BIG 3-0. It could be my 31st, where the Ex was so sick he stayed in bed all day, then told me "we can reschedule your birthday" rather insensitively.

I would like to think that I have the worst of the birthdays out of the way and have nothing but good fortune to look forward to from now on. I mean, I'm a Virgo now. :D

Monday, January 7, 2008

My Celtic sign :D







Baby, what's your sign? (Celtic Zodiac)




You were born in the month of the birch. To the Druids, the Birch represents renewal, rebirth and inception, since it was the first tree to come into leaf after the Winter Season. In general, Birch individuals are determined, resilient and ambitious. Birch individuals believe that hard work, patience and persistance will eventually triumph. Birch people are loyal, reliable and trustworthy, but prone to be reserved in displays of affection... although they are sociable with those they choose to socialize with. limitations are not readily accepted by Birch individuals and due to their drive and ambition, there is sometimes a tendency to grow cynical. Serious by nature with a somewhat droll sense of humor, Birch individuals sometimes aim to become less serious, which can lead to identity problems. There is a tendency for the Birch individual to experience loneliness and they often need a goal in life in order to avoid becoming depressed and pessimistic.
Take this quiz!








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