Thursday, March 19, 2009

profoundly disturbed.

This morning I was revisiting my friend Krista's website and re-watched the I'm a European Roma Woman. That led me to do some light research into the Romani. I didn't realize that they were also interred with the Jews in execution and concentration camps. Whenever I read about the Holocaust, I feel a calm stillness inside me. There are things I have never seen, never wish to see and as much as I try to academically wrap my mind around the events, a large emotional piece of me covers my academic eyes so that I may never understand WHY. Because, for some things, there will NEVER be an answer to WHY.

I am sorry that I had been ignorant that the Romani people had been persecuted alongside the Jews. (This does not intend to say that it is more tragic that the Romani suffered as the Jews did. This is meant to state I am sorry I only saw the Holocaust as belonging to one ethic group)

Separate from this, but tied very strongly to Human Rights is the case of the Fritzl family. I was going to say that I wasn't sure what was worse - that it happened at all, or that it was concealed so well. I think they are the same thing. Unfortunately, I was a victem of sexual abuse by my mother's boyfriend at the age of 9. It didn't happen just once, and it didn't always involve force by him. I do not take responsibility for his actions. Adults are the responsibile party. My abuser was thrown out of the house a year later, when I was 10, and I was sexually abused through that time. Not every day, but it happened. I am not ashamed to say it happened, or even that I did not fight, which is often contrary to what we are taught. You have to fight for it to be wrong.

No. Abuse of any kind is wrong. That this occured in this woman's home, that she was imprisoned and sexually tortured by her father, enslaved and forced to bear his children... it's morally reprehensible. And while I was sexually abused as a young girl, *I* was rescued from at after a year. This woman's entire life was centered around this monstrous reprobate's sick desires. His claim that he couldn't help it, and the sentence of life imprisonment with psychiatric care will never excuse the fact that this young woman was imprisoned after trying to escape the horror of her father's vices (he began abusing her at age 11). Her mother was a passive partner to the abuse, and while academically we may call them enablers, I cannot help but think that he had a hold over her that she will never understand or acknowledge. You don't start out abused, just as the abuser never starts out abusing. It's a very gradual process, and eventually, you accept the abuse as normal, even welcoming it after it's abated for a while.

While I am no psychologist, I feel safe in saying that the mother, while not victimized so brutally, is a victem as well as the daughter, as well as the daughter's children. My heart aches for them, and I find my emotions putting hands up over the logical me's eyes.. "Shhh, it's okay, lets go think about something else now."

For me, there will never be a WHY great enough to undo the damage that was caused these people, but more frightenly, there is brutality, fear and control happening every day in every walk of life. Although your neighbor may not have a dungeon, do you really know what happens? Most of the time, probably yes, but most people don't say "Oh, he was a control freak, always yelling at his wife, that daughter of his always looked scared around him, and she would never talk when they were together. I wondered why he was building an addition under his house and would disappear for days at a time. Yeah, I never really thought he was a good guy." No.. most of us end up saying "He seemed like a nice guy, always kept to himself"

This doesn't imply a need for the reader to go investigate their neighbor's homes, only a glimmer of awareness that brutality and abuse occur everywhere.

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